Why Trying New Positions Matters More Than You Think (And 12 to Start With)

About six months into our journey with guided intimacy, my wife Brittney and I realized something interesting: we'd been having sex in essentially the same two or three positions for most of our eight-year marriage.

It wasn't a conscious decision. We'd just settled into what worked—what was efficient, reliable, and got us both to orgasm without too much coordination or conversation. Missionary when we wanted connection. Doggy style when we wanted intensity. Maybe occasionally she'd be on top if we were feeling adventurous.

We weren't unhappy with these positions. They worked fine. But "fine" had become the problem. Our brains had stopped paying attention because everything was so predictable. Sex had become a familiar routine rather than an exploration.

Then one of the guided experiences we tried introduced a position we'd never considered. It wasn't dramatically different—just a variation on something we already did—but the novelty was enough to make us both completely present in a way we hadn't been in months.

That small shift opened up a bigger conversation: when was the last time we'd actually tried something physically different? When had we last approached our bodies with curiosity rather than efficiency?

This isn't a post about acrobatic sex positions that require yoga-level flexibility. It's about understanding why physical variety matters for long-term intimacy, and exploring twelve accessible positions that can help couples rediscover curiosity and presence with each other.

Why Your Brain Needs Novelty

Here's what nobody tells you about long-term relationship sex: your brain is designed to stop paying attention to predictable patterns.

When you have sex the same way repeatedly, your brain creates efficient neural pathways. It knows what's coming next. It doesn't need to focus intently because it's experienced this sequence hundreds of times. This is neurologically efficient but intimately deadening.

Your brain craves novelty. New experiences, unexpected sensations, unfamiliar positions—these trigger attention and engagement. When you try a position you've never done before, your brain can't run on autopilot. You have to be present. You have to pay attention to balance, angle, sensation, your partner's body.

This presence is what makes sex feel alive rather than routine.

I'm not suggesting you need to try something wildly different every time you're intimate. That would be exhausting and would create its own kind of performance pressure. But incorporating new positions periodically—even small variations on familiar ones—gives your brain the novelty it needs to stay engaged.

For Brittney and me, this meant consciously trying one new position or variation every few weeks. Sometimes it worked beautifully and became part of our rotation. Sometimes it was awkward or uncomfortable and we laughed about it afterward. But the willingness to experiment, to be curious about our bodies together, transformed how we experienced intimacy.

We weren't just having sex. We were exploring together.

The Positions That Work for Real Bodies

When I started researching positions to try with Brittney, I encountered the usual problem: most advice comes from sources that either show professional performers with specific body types doing things that look impressive but aren't practical, or provide clinical diagrams that miss the emotional and sensual aspects entirely.

What couples actually need are positions that work for real bodies—different sizes, flexibilities, and comfort levels—with explanations of why each position offers something valuable beyond just visual variety.

These twelve positions represent a range of dynamics: slow and connected, playful and adventurous, comfortable and sustained, intense and energetic. Some you've probably tried. Some might be new. All of them offer something worth experiencing with your partner.

1. Tangled Up (Lotus)

A close, intertwined seated position that keeps both partners face-to-face. Perfect for slow pacing, eye contact, and a deep sense of togetherness.

One partner sits cross-legged or with legs extended. The other straddles their lap, wrapping legs around their partner's back. You're chest-to-chest, face-to-face, moving together with subtle rocking motions.

This position is about intimacy over intensity. Penetration is typically shallower than other positions, but the full-body contact, eye contact, and synchronized breathing create profound emotional connection. You can kiss easily. You can wrap your arms around each other. You're moving together rather than one person doing something to the other.

For Brittney and me, this position taught us that slower, more connected sex could be just as satisfying as more vigorous activity. It forced us to sync our breath and movement, which carried over into how we approached other positions.

Why try it: When you want emotional intimacy to be as important as physical pleasure. When you want to slow down and be completely present with each other.

2. The Lift & Linger (Supported Missionary)

One partner lifts the other's hips slightly while kneeling, creating a supported, intimate angle that invites gentle rocking and lingering touch.

Traditional missionary position with a key modification: the receiving partner's hips are elevated with a pillow, wedge, or the penetrating partner's thighs. This changes the angle significantly, allowing for deeper penetration and better G-spot or prostate contact.

The face-to-face position maintains intimacy and eye contact while the elevation adds intensity. The penetrating partner can adjust their angle to find what feels best for their partner. It's missionary with intention rather than just default positioning.

Why try it: When you want the emotional connection of face-to-face intimacy with increased physical intensity and better anatomical alignment.

3. Classic Control (Doggy Style)

A grounded hands-and-knees setup with one partner behind. Simple, steady, and easy to sync with each other's rhythm.

A classic for good reason. The receiving partner is on hands and knees. The penetrating partner kneels behind them. This position allows for deep penetration, good leverage, and easy rhythm control.

What makes this position valuable isn't just the physical dynamics—it's the versatility. You can go slow and sensual or fast and intense. The receiving partner can lower to their forearms for a different angle. The penetrating partner can reach around for clitoral or other stimulation. It works for many different body types and flexibility levels.

For some couples, the lack of eye contact feels disconnecting. For others, it feels liberating—you can focus entirely on sensation without performing for your partner's gaze.

Why try it: When you want deep penetration, good leverage, and the option to adjust intensity easily. When you want to focus on physical sensation without the vulnerability of constant eye contact.

4. The Melt-Down (Downward Doggy)

A softer variation where the receiving partner rests on their forearms, letting their whole body relax into the moment while staying closely connected.

Start in the hands-and-knees position, then the receiving partner lowers to their forearms or all the way to their chest. This creates a more pronounced arch in the back and changes the penetration angle significantly.

This variation often provides better G-spot or prostate stimulation than standard doggy style. It's also more relaxing for the receiving partner—you're not supporting your weight on your arms, so you can maintain the position longer without fatigue.

Why try it: When you want the benefits of rear-entry positions but with more comfort and potentially better internal stimulation for the receiving partner.

5. Bent Just for You (Standing Bend-Over)

A forward-leaning standing pose where one partner bends at the waist and the other follows from behind. Easy, accessible, and surprisingly sensual.

The receiving partner bends forward—over the bed, a table, the bathroom counter—while the penetrating partner stands behind them. This is one of the most accessible spontaneous positions because it requires no particular flexibility and works in various locations.

The angle provides deep penetration and the standing position gives the penetrating partner excellent leverage. It's also psychologically exciting for many couples—it feels slightly more adventurous or spontaneous than bed-based positions.

Why try it: When you want something that feels spontaneous and playful. When you want to use furniture or locations beyond just the bed.

6. The Tease & Tilt (The Captain Morgan)

One partner lifts a leg while kneeling, adding a playful tilt and a gently deepened angle. Balancing support with teasing softness.

Start in a rear-entry position, then the receiving partner lifts one leg—either planting their foot on the bed or having the penetrating partner hold their leg. This creates an asymmetric angle that many people find intensely pleasurable.

The lifted leg changes how deep penetration can go and shifts which internal areas are stimulated. It also creates a slight sense of imbalance that requires both partners to pay attention and communicate, which keeps you present.

Why try it: When you want to add novelty to familiar rear-entry positions without doing anything dramatically different.

7. Kneel & Stay (Kneeling Missionary)

Both partners kneel facing each other, staying close through touch, breath, and eye contact. Ideal for intimacy and a naturally slow pace.

Both partners kneel facing each other, the receiving partner either wrapping legs around their partner or straddling them. You're upright, chest-to-chest, with your thighs supporting most of the movement.

This position requires more physical effort than lying-down positions, which creates natural intensity. The eye contact and full-body contact maintain emotional connection. It's a good middle ground between the slow intimacy of seated positions and the intensity of more vigorous ones.

Why try it: When you want both physical intensity and emotional connection. When you want to feel strong and engaged physically while staying present with each other.

8. Laid-Back Lover (Lean-Back Cowgirl)

One partner reclines while the other straddles them from above. Relaxed, open, and perfect for mixing softness with control.

The receiving partner straddles their partner but leans backward rather than sitting upright or leaning forward. They can support themselves with hands behind them or lean all the way back to rest on their partner's legs.

This angle often provides excellent internal stimulation for the receiving partner while giving them control over depth, speed, and rhythm. It also allows the penetrating partner to touch their partner's body easily and watch their pleasure.

For some women, this angle provides better clitoral exposure for stimulation. For both partners, it's a position that emphasizes the receiving partner's pleasure and control.

Why try it: When you want the receiving partner to have control while also achieving angles that feel significantly different from standard partner-on-top positions.

9. The Power Seat (Squat Variation)

A seated squat that lets the top partner guide the pace. Confident, dynamic, and made for playful tension and release.

The man holds himself up in a reverse table-top position—arms and legs supporting his body weight while keeping his torso perfectly straight and elevated. The woman straddles him face-to-face, essentially riding him while he maintains this challenging position.

This is an athletic position that requires significant core and arm strength from the man to maintain. The woman has complete control over the rhythm and depth while the man focuses on holding his position steady. The face-to-face orientation maintains eye contact and intimacy despite the physical challenge.

Why try it: When you want to combine physical challenge with the woman having complete control. When you want face-to-face intimacy with a dynamic that's significantly different from typical positions.

10. Slow Curl (Missionary Variation)

A comfortable missionary position where both partners wrap into each other. Cozy, intimate, and made for unhurried movement.

This is a missionary variation where the man engages his core as if doing a partial sit-up, with his hands positioned behind his head. The woman lies on her back beneath him. This creates an interesting dynamic where the man is actively engaged through his core while maintaining the face-to-face intimacy of missionary.

The position requires core strength from the man to maintain, which adds physical engagement to what's otherwise a relatively relaxed position. The woman can wrap her legs around him and they remain close and connected throughout. The man's elevated position from the partial sit-up creates a slightly different angle than standard missionary.

Why try it: When you want the intimacy of missionary with added physical engagement from the man's core work. When you want face-to-face connection with a position that feels more active and engaged than traditional missionary.

11. Lotus Grip (Amazon)

One partner sits cross-legged while the other straddles their lap. Grounding, centering, and ideal for breath-to-breath connection.

Similar to face-to-face seated, but with both partners wrapping their legs around each other and pulling close. This creates a very contained, intimate position where movement is limited but connection is maximized.

This position appears in tantric practices because it creates heart-to-heart, breath-to-breath contact that many couples find emotionally powerful. You're not moving much—it's more about being present together, breathing together, feeling each other.

Why try it: When emotional and energetic connection is more important than physical intensity. When you want to practice presence and synchronized breathing during intimacy.

12. The Acrobat (The Wheelbarrow)

A balanced, supported inversion where one partner lifts the other. Trust-driven, adventurous, and recommended for couples who like playful challenge.

The receiving partner places their hands on the ground while the penetrating partner holds their legs/hips from behind. This is genuinely athletic and requires upper body strength from the receiving partner.

I'm including this not because every couple should try it, but because it represents playful, adventurous intimacy. Attempting positions that are challenging or even a bit ridiculous can create laughter, connection, and a sense of play that's valuable even if the position itself doesn't become a regular part of your repertoire.

Brittney and I tried this once. We lasted about thirty seconds before she was laughing too hard to maintain the position. It wasn't successful as a sexual experience, but it was successful as a moment of playful connection.

Why try it: When you want to be playful and adventurous together, when you're comfortable laughing during sex, when you want to embrace the slightly ridiculous aspects of sexual exploration.

How to Actually Explore New Positions

Knowing about different positions is one thing. Actually trying them with your partner requires navigating practical and emotional considerations.

Don't spring new positions on your partner mid-sex. Have conversations outside the bedroom about wanting to try something different. "I was reading about different positions and I'm curious about trying some new ones with you. Would you be interested?" This removes pressure and surprise.

Try new things when you're relaxed, not rushed. Attempting a position you've never done when you're tired or pressed for time usually ends in frustration. Choose moments when you have space to be awkward, to laugh, to adjust.

Expect the first attempt to be imperfect. New positions require figuring out angles, balance, and what actually feels good for your specific bodies. The first time rarely goes perfectly. That's normal and okay. Don't judge whether a position "works" based on your first clumsy attempt.

Communicate throughout. "Is this angle working for you?" "Should I adjust?" "Does this feel good or weird?" New positions require more explicit communication than familiar ones because you can't rely on established patterns.

Be willing to laugh. Sex involving new positions is often awkward. Bodies make sounds. You lose balance. You can't quite get the angle right. Couples who can laugh about this tend to explore more successfully than couples who treat every awkward moment as failure.

Focus on novelty and presence, not performance. The point of trying new positions isn't to become expert at twelve different ways to have sex. It's to introduce enough novelty that your brain stays engaged, and to approach your bodies with curiosity rather than routine.

Why Guided Experiences Help with Exploration

One of the most valuable aspects of guided intimacy experiences is that they often introduce positions or variations you wouldn't have tried on your own—and they do so with proper pacing and instruction.

A guided session might direct you into a position you've never considered, explain how to adjust for comfort, tell you where to place your hands or how to shift your weight, and help you find the angle that feels best for both partners. You're learning by doing, with real-time guidance that addresses the practical challenges.

Guided experiences also normalize exploration and awkwardness. When the guide acknowledges that a position might take some adjustment, or that you might need to communicate about what works, it gives you permission to not be perfect. You're both learning together, following guidance, which removes the pressure of either partner having to be the expert.

For Brittney and me, many of the positions we now incorporate regularly were first introduced through guided sessions. We might not have tried them otherwise—or we might have tried them awkwardly once and dismissed them. The guidance helped us learn how to make them work for our bodies.

What Changed for Us

A year into exploring new positions intentionally rather than just defaulting to our usual two or three, our intimate life feels fundamentally different.

We're not having sex more frequently. We're still busy parents with demanding lives. But when we do have sex, it feels like exploration rather than routine. We're curious about our bodies. We try things. We adjust. We laugh when something doesn't work and celebrate when we discover something that feels amazing.

The novelty keeps our brains engaged in ways that going through familiar motions never did. We're present because we have to be—we're figuring things out together rather than running on autopilot.

And here's what surprised me: the willingness to explore new positions changed how we approach intimacy generally. We're more playful. We communicate more. We're less attached to sex looking a particular way or following a particular script. We've learned that curiosity and willingness to be awkward together create better intimacy than trying to perfect a routine.

Beyond the Positions Themselves

This article lists twelve positions, but the actual value isn't in memorizing twelve different ways to have sex. It's in understanding why novelty matters and developing comfort with exploration.

Your brain needs variation to stay engaged. Your relationship benefits from approaching intimacy with curiosity rather than routine. Your connection deepens when you're willing to be awkward, to laugh, to try things that might not work perfectly.

The specific positions matter less than the willingness to explore. To approach your partner's body—and your own—with genuine curiosity. To let go of the efficiency mindset that makes long-term sex feel obligatory. To remember that intimacy can include play, experimentation, and discovery.

For couples stuck in routines where sex has become predictable and obligatory, trying new positions isn't about adding variety for its own sake. It's about disrupting patterns that have stopped serving you. It's about creating opportunities for your brain to pay attention. It's about rediscovering that your partner's body still holds surprises and pleasures you haven't fully explored.

If you and your partner have been having sex the same way for months or years, I'd encourage you to try something different. Not because what you're doing is wrong, but because novelty wakes up your brain and makes intimacy feel alive rather than routine.

Start with something close to what you already do—just a variation. See how it feels to approach your bodies with curiosity again. Notice whether being present with something new changes the quality of your connection.

You might discover, like Brittney and I did, that the willingness to explore physically opens up emotional and relational exploration too. That trying new positions is less about the positions themselves and more about maintaining the sense that you're still discovering each other, even years into your relationship.

Ready to Explore with Guidance?

Download the Coelle App to access guided experiences that introduce new positions naturally, with proper pacing and instruction that helps you learn what works for your bodies together.

Read "Guided: Why We All Need a Guide in the Bedroom" to understand why novelty matters for long-term intimacy and how guided experiences help couples maintain curiosity and presence throughout their relationship.