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I've stopped using porn and erotic audio both — not for moral reasons, but as an experiment. What I discovered is that most men have spent decades as consumers of their own sexuality rather than authors of it. The difference between those positions is enormous.

I bought an acoustic guitar this weekend to learn alongside my daughter. What I didn't expect was how directly the experience of being genuinely bad at something maps onto everything I write about here — touch sensitivity, rhythm, presence, and the discipline of daily practice.

Men who want a better sex life often work exclusively on their sex life — and get marginal results. The bedroom doesn't have its own weather. It inherits the climate of the relationship. Here's the research, the mechanism, and the unglamorous practices that actually change things.

Most men asking whether their fantasies are healthy are asking about content — and content is almost never the right variable. Here's a genuine framework: four diagnostic questions that reveal how your fantasy life is actually functioning, and what genuinely warrants concern.

John Wineland's concept of evocation changed how I understand what happens between two people. You are always evoking something in your partner — warmth or defensiveness, aliveness or withdrawal. You don't get to opt out. You only get to choose what you evoke.

Yab-Yum isn't optimized for friction or angle — it's optimized for union. Faces level, chests pressed together, eyes meeting without effort, movement deliberately constrained. Here's why it's become my favorite practice, and what it asks of men specifically.

John Wineland names a specific failure mode in how men express desire: wanting from need rather than from fullness, and letting that neediness leak into the asking. Here's the distinction between "do you maybe want to?" and "meet me in the bedroom" — and why the second one changes everything.

"Kung fu" doesn't mean martial arts — it means skill achieved through disciplined practice. Sexual Kung Fu is exactly that: sexual mastery developed through consistent training in ejaculatory control, energy circulation, and whole-body arousal. Here's what it actually involves.

Intimacy with yourself isn't vague self-care language — it's the capacity to be genuinely present to your own internal experience. The Microcosmic Orbit is the practice that develops it, and the foundation of everything in the Taoist sexual tradition. Here's how to actually do it.

These phrases come from my own intimate life, and they work because Brittney and I built the container first. Here's the specific dominant vocabulary — starting, foreplay, intercourse, orgasm — the psychology behind why directive language creates charge, and what has to be established before any of it lands.

Most men train their bodies for performance in every domain except the one they think about most. Here's the practical protocol — kegels, reverse kegels, diaphragmatic breathing, hip mobility, cardiovascular work, and core strength — with the research behind why each one matters for sexual function.

The Taoist practice of nine shallow thrusts followed by one deep produces something specific: the contrast amplifies sensation for both partners in ways that uniform deep thrusting can't. Here's the physiology, how to actually practice it, and the clitoral base stimulation element that most people don't know to add.

I recently signed up for FrolicMe's one-week trial at $6.75 to explore whether it might be a good fit for Brittney and me. FrolicMe positions itself in the "ethical porn" and "female-friendly" space, with a polished catalog that goes well beyond just video. After spending time with the platform, I came away genuinely impressed by the production quality and the breadth of content - but also reminded that, however thoughtfully it's made, porn still feels like porn.

Mantak Chia's Exercise 16 from The Multi-Orgasmic Man is one of the most detailed practices in the Taoist sexual health tradition. Here's an honest assessment of what the practice genuinely produces improved circulation, pelvic floor awareness, somatic development and where the enlargement claims go beyond what the clinical evidence supports.

I read Daniel Rose's The Sex God Method this past week and have an honest take: the core DEVI framework is genuinely useful for men who've been operating as passive lovers. Some of the framing is dated and occasionally misogynistic. Here's what it gets right, where I push back, and how it maps to the other intimacy work on this blog.

For most of my adult intimate life I operated from a passive relationship with my own desire — managing it, editing it, waiting for permission. Here's what I've learned through somatic work and Deida's framework: your desire isn't a problem for your partner. Very often it's exactly what she's been hoping to feel from you.

I find Brittney's feet beautiful and the psychology behind why is more interesting and more common than the silence around it suggests. Here's the neuroscience, the feminine dimension of foot attraction, and why one in seven men share this interest without ever saying so.

Brittney noticed after our third Coelle session: "We're both actually here at the same time." That observation is more scientifically precise than it sounds. Here's the neuroscience of why guided audio intimacy works — co-regulation, Polyvagal Theory, spectatoring interruption, and what the voice itself does to the nervous system.

The toilet paper roll test claims a man who can't fit through the cardboard tube has above-average girth. Here's what the measurement actually corresponds to in the population data, how it compares to what women prefer in the research, and the honest limitations of informal benchmarks.

Painful penetrative sex doesn't mean the end of intimate life — it means finding different approaches. Here's an honest guide to anal orgasms for both men and women, anal play as a genuine alternative when vaginal penetration is painful, and the practical preparation that makes the difference.