Squirting: What It Actually Is, Why It Happens, and Whether It Matters

There's a sexual phenomenon that generates enormous curiosity, misinformation, and performance pressure: female ejaculation, commonly called squirting.

For something that appears constantly in porn and gets discussed endlessly online, there's remarkable confusion about what squirting actually is, whether it's real or performative, what it feels like for women who experience it, whether all women can do it, and most importantly—whether it matters for sexual satisfaction.

The confusion comes from multiple sources. Porn depicts squirting as the ultimate sign of female pleasure and partner skill, creating pressure on both women to perform it and men to "achieve" it. Scientific research on the topic is limited and sometimes contradictory. Women who squirt report vastly different experiences of what it feels like and what causes it. And cultural shame around female sexuality means many women who do squirt feel embarrassed rather than comfortable discussing it.

Here's what I've learned from conversations with couples around the world and from research: squirting is real, it happens for some women and not others, it doesn't reliably correlate with orgasm or pleasure intensity, and it absolutely doesn't need to be a goal or measure of satisfying sex. Understanding what it actually is helps remove the performance pressure while allowing couples who are curious to explore without unrealistic expectations.

This is about separating fact from porn-influenced fantasy and providing honest information for couples navigating this aspect of sexuality together.

What Squirting Actually Is (Physiologically)

Before discussing experiences and techniques, it's important to understand what's actually happening physically when women squirt.

Squirting refers to the expulsion of fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm. The amount varies considerably—from a small amount of fluid to a more substantial release that can soak bedding. The fluid itself has been studied and appears to be primarily diluted urine mixed with some prostatic secretions from the Skene's glands, which are sometimes called the female prostate. These glands are located near the urethra and can produce fluid during sexual arousal.

This composition is important to understand because it helps remove shame. Many women who squirt worry they're urinating during sex, which creates embarrassment and anxiety. While the fluid does come from the bladder and contains urine, it's not the same as urinating—it's a physiological response to sexual stimulation that involves the Skene's glands and happens involuntarily during high arousal or orgasm.

The mechanism appears to involve stimulation of the G-spot, which is an area on the anterior vaginal wall (the front wall, toward the belly button) about one to three inches inside the vagina. This area is associated with the Skene's glands, and stimulation of it can trigger the release of fluid. Not all women have equally developed Skene's glands or equally sensitive G-spots, which helps explain why some women squirt easily, some can learn to, and some never do regardless of technique.

The bladder fills with fluid during sexual arousal in women who squirt. This fluid is produced quickly—it's not just urine that was already in the bladder. The arousal process itself appears to trigger rapid fluid production. The expulsion can happen during orgasm, before orgasm, or without orgasm occurring at all. It's not synonymous with orgasm, which is a crucial point that porn gets completely wrong.

Understanding the physiology helps remove moral judgment. This isn't about being "dirty" or "losing control" in a shameful way. It's a physiological response to sexual stimulation that some women's bodies do and others don't.

What It Feels Like for Women Who Experience It

Women who squirt report vastly different experiences of what it feels like, which makes it clear that squirting isn't one uniform phenomenon.

Some women describe a sensation of needing to urinate during intense G-spot stimulation, followed by release when they stop resisting that sensation. The release itself might feel like pressure being relieved, sometimes pleasurable, sometimes neutral. For these women, the physical sensation of squirting isn't necessarily intensely pleasurable in itself—it's more about the relief of letting go of the resisting tension.

Other women describe squirting as intensely pleasurable, associated with waves of orgasmic sensation. For them, the fluid release is part of an orgasmic experience that feels different from orgasms without squirting—often described as fuller or more complete. Some women report that they squirt without orgasm occurring, and the squirting itself is a release of pressure or fluid that doesn't feel particularly pleasurable or unpleasurable. It's just something their body does during high arousal.

Some women squirt consistently with certain types of stimulation and can predict when it will happen. Others squirt occasionally and unpredictably, not knowing what triggers it. The amount of fluid released varies enormously. Some women release a small amount that's barely noticeable. Others release enough to soak through multiple towels. Both experiences are normal variations.

Many women report that learning to squirt involved overcoming the fear of urinating during sex. The sensation that precedes squirting often feels exactly like needing to pee, and the instinct is to tense up and prevent release. Learning to relax through that sensation—trusting that it's safe to release—is often what allows squirting to happen.

For some women, squirting happens more easily when they're extremely aroused and relaxed. For others, it happens with specific firm pressure on the G-spot regardless of arousal level. The variability makes it clear that there's no one "right" way squirting feels or happens.

The Relationship Between Squirting and Orgasm

One of the biggest misconceptions from porn is that squirting equals female orgasm or that it represents a more intense orgasm than non-squirting ones. This is largely false.

Squirting can happen during orgasm, but it can also happen before orgasm, after orgasm, or completely independently of orgasm. Some women squirt without experiencing orgasm at all—they're highly aroused, they release fluid, but orgasm doesn't occur. Other women orgasm intensely without ever squirting. The two phenomena are related to different physiological mechanisms and don't necessarily occur together.

For women who both squirt and orgasm, some report that squirting orgasms feel different or more intense than non-squirting ones. But others report that their most intense orgasms don't involve squirting at all. There's no consistent pattern. Many women report that clitoral orgasms are more reliably intense and pleasurable than G-spot stimulation that leads to squirting. The cultural emphasis on squirting as superior pleasure doesn't match their actual experience.

Some women find that the pressure and stimulation required to make them squirt actually interferes with orgasm. The firm, focused G-spot stimulation needed for squirting creates a different sensation than the stimulation that leads to their orgasm. Trying to achieve both simultaneously can be difficult or impossible.

The implication is crucial: squirting should not be pursued as a proxy for female pleasure or orgasm. If your goal is your partner's pleasure and satisfaction, focusing on what actually feels good to her matters far more than achieving squirting. For some women, that might include squirting. For many, it won't.

Can All Women Squirt?

This is one of the most common questions, and the honest answer is: we don't know for certain, but probably not all women can squirt regardless of technique.

Anatomical variation in Skene's glands means some women have more developed glands that produce more fluid. Some women may have minimal or absent Skene's glands, which would make squirting unlikely or impossible regardless of stimulation. G-spot sensitivity varies considerably. Some women have very sensitive G-spots that respond intensely to stimulation. Others report little sensation from G-spot stimulation no matter what technique is used.

Some women can learn to squirt with practice, relaxation, and specific technique. For these women, it's about discovering what works for their body and becoming comfortable with the sensations. But other women report that despite trying extensively with willing partners, they've never squirted and G-spot stimulation doesn't create the sensations that seem to precede squirting for women who do experience it.

The psychological component matters too. Squirting requires relaxation and willingness to "let go" through the sensation that feels like needing to urinate. Women who have anxiety about this sensation or strong conditioning against releasing during sex may find squirting difficult even if their anatomy would otherwise allow it.

Some women squirted easily when younger and find it becomes less common or stops happening as they age. Others discover squirting later in life. Bodies change, and sexual responses change with them. The important point is that inability to squirt doesn't represent sexual dysfunction or inadequacy. It's variation in anatomy and response, similar to how some people are more or less sensitive to other forms of stimulation.

Treating squirting as something all women should be able to do creates pressure that actually makes it less likely to happen, since anxiety and pressure work against the relaxation required for squirting.

Techniques That Can Lead to Squirting

For couples who are curious about exploring squirting without pressure or expectation, certain approaches are more likely to create the conditions where it might happen.

High arousal and relaxation are foundational. The woman needs to be very aroused before attempting G-spot stimulation focused on squirting. Extensive foreplay, clitoral stimulation, and building arousal make squirting more likely if it's going to happen. The woman also needs to feel relaxed and safe letting go. This means privacy, lack of time pressure, and emotional comfort with her partner.

G-spot stimulation using firm, consistent pressure tends to be most effective. This often means using fingers rather than penis—fingers allow for more precise pressure and angle. The typical technique involves inserting one or two fingers into the vagina and curling them upward toward the belly button to reach the front vaginal wall. The G-spot area often feels slightly ridged or textured compared to surrounding tissue.

Using a "come hither" motion with firm pressure against the front vaginal wall, maintaining consistent rhythm and pressure. The stimulation needs to be relatively firm—more pressure than might be comfortable for other types of stimulation. As arousal builds, the woman may feel a sensation of needing to urinate. This is the point where relaxation and letting go becomes crucial. Instead of tensing against the sensation, she needs to relax and allow whatever release wants to happen.

Some women find that bearing down slightly, similar to how you might bear down when urinating, helps facilitate squirting. This is counterintuitive since the instinct is to hold back, but gentle pushing while relaxed can help the release happen. Continued stimulation through the release is often necessary. Don't stop the moment fluid is released—maintaining stimulation can lead to multiple releases or extended squirting.

Some positions make G-spot stimulation easier. Woman on top allows her to control angle and pressure. Doggy style with the woman's chest down and hips elevated creates good G-spot access. Missionary with a pillow under the woman's hips can angle the vagina for better G-spot contact.

Toys designed for G-spot stimulation can be effective—they're often curved and provide firm, sustained pressure that's difficult to maintain with fingers. The key throughout is communication. The woman needs to describe what she's feeling, and the partner needs to respond to that feedback rather than following a rigid technique.

The Practical Realities of Squirting

Beyond the techniques and physiology, there are practical considerations that couples navigating squirting need to address.

Fluid release can be substantial. For women who squirt significantly, this means soaked sheets, mattresses, and bedding. Having waterproof mattress protectors, laying down towels, or using absorbent pads becomes necessary. Some couples find that the cleanup and preparation required for squirting makes it something they explore occasionally rather than regularly, even when the woman enjoys it.

The sensation of needing to urinate can be uncomfortable or anxiety-producing. Many women report that the most challenging part of learning to squirt was overcoming the fear that they were about to pee on their partner or the bed. Reassurance from partners that this is okay and expected helps, but the psychological barrier can be significant.

For some women, squirting is physically draining in a way that orgasm without squirting isn't. The combination of fluid release, intense stimulation, and full-body response can be exhausting. This isn't negative necessarily, but it means squirting isn't always what they want even when they're capable of it.

Partners sometimes become overly focused on making their partner squirt as a measure of their skill. This pressure is counterproductive and often makes squirting less likely since it increases anxiety. The best approach is curiosity without attachment to outcome—exploring to see what happens rather than trying to achieve a specific result.

Some women find that after squirting, they need a break before continuing sexual activity. The intensity and fluid release create a natural pause point. Other women can continue immediately or squirt multiple times in one session. Communication about what feels good after squirting is important.

When Squirting Becomes Performance Pressure

The cultural emphasis on squirting, driven largely by pornography, creates problematic dynamics for many couples.

Men sometimes pursue making their partner squirt as validation of their sexual skill or masculinity. The focus becomes achievement rather than mutual pleasure. This pressure is often obvious to the woman, who then feels obligated to try to squirt to validate her partner rather than exploring because she's genuinely curious.

Women sometimes feel inadequate if they can't squirt, interpreting their body's natural response patterns as dysfunction. The message that squirting represents ultimate pleasure makes women who don't squirt feel like they're missing something essential or broken somehow.

Some women fake squirting to satisfy partners who are pressuring them about it. This creates inauthenticity in the intimate relationship and reinforces the partner's misunderstanding about what's actually pleasurable. Partners sometimes ignore what actually creates pleasure for the woman in favor of techniques aimed at squirting. The woman's actual orgasm, the clitoral stimulation she needs, the emotional connection she values—all of this gets sidelined in pursuit of squirting.

The emphasis on squirting can make sex feel like a skill demonstration rather than intimate connection. Both partners become focused on achieving a specific outcome rather than being present with pleasure and each other. For some women, the firm G-spot stimulation required for squirting is uncomfortable or unpleasant. Pressure to squirt means enduring stimulation that doesn't feel good to achieve something their partner wants.

These dynamics are the opposite of what creates great sex. The focus should be on mutual pleasure, presence, communication, and connection—not on achieving a specific performance outcome that porn has positioned as the ultimate goal.

What Women Actually Say About Squirting Mattering

When you talk to women honestly about whether squirting matters to their sexual satisfaction, the responses are revealing.

Many women who can squirt report that it's pleasurable and they enjoy it, but it's not necessary for satisfying sex. They have plenty of deeply satisfying intimate experiences that don't involve squirting. Some women say their best orgasms don't involve squirting at all. The clitoral orgasms they experience are more reliably intense and pleasurable than G-spot stimulation that leads to squirting.

Women often report that the emotional intimacy and connection during sex matters far more than whether squirting occurs. Feeling desired, experiencing attentiveness from their partner, and genuine emotional presence create satisfaction independent of any specific physical outcome.

For some women, squirting is interesting and occasionally fun to explore, but the cleanup and preparation required means they don't prioritize it regularly. It's a sometimes thing, not a necessary component of good sex. Women frequently say that partner obsession with making them squirt is more annoying than flattering. They'd prefer their partner focus on what actually feels good to them rather than pursuing squirting as a trophy.

Many women report that their most satisfying sexual experiences involve extended foreplay, clitoral stimulation, emotional connection, and presence—elements that have nothing to do with squirting. Some women who squirt easily say they'd trade the ability to squirt for more regular orgasms through clitoral stimulation, better communication with their partner, or more frequent intimate connection.

The clear message is that squirting is one potential aspect of sexual experience, sometimes enjoyable for women who experience it, but not a meaningful measure of sexual satisfaction or partner skill.

Moving Forward Without Pressure

For couples who want to explore squirting without creating unhealthy dynamics, the approach matters enormously.

Frame it as curiosity rather than achievement. "I've read that some women find G-spot stimulation pleasurable. Would you be interested in exploring that together?" This is different from "I want to make you squirt" which creates pressure and implies an outcome is expected.

Prioritize what actually feels good to her. If G-spot stimulation is uncomfortable or less pleasurable than other forms of touch, that information is valuable. Don't persist with something that doesn't feel good just because you think it should lead to squirting. Let her direct the exploration. She should communicate what sensations she's experiencing, and you should adjust based on her feedback rather than following a rigid technique you read about.

Accept that it might not happen, and that's completely fine. The exploration itself can be pleasurable and informative even if squirting doesn't occur. Don't interpret absence of squirting as failure. Recognize that pleasure and satisfaction exist independently of squirting. An intimate experience where she has intense orgasms through clitoral stimulation but doesn't squirt is successful, not deficient.

If squirting does happen, don't make it a bigger deal than it is. Acknowledge it without treating it like the ultimate achievement. This prevents it from becoming a performance expectation for future encounters. Focus on the overall intimate experience—connection, pleasure, communication, presence. These elements matter more than any specific physical outcome.

For women exploring this, give yourself permission to not squirt. Your body's natural responses are valid whether they include squirting or not. If you're only trying to squirt because your partner wants it, examine whether that's a dynamic you want to reinforce. Your pleasure and comfort should be central.

What Actually Predicts Sexual Satisfaction

Research on sexual satisfaction consistently shows that squirting doesn't appear in the factors that predict whether women find their sex lives satisfying.

What does predict satisfaction is emotional intimacy with partner, feeling desired and appreciated, communication about preferences and desires, regular orgasms through whatever stimulation works for the individual woman, variety and novelty in sexual experiences, lack of pressure and performance anxiety, partner attentiveness and responsiveness, and frequency of sexual activity that matches both partners' desires.

Squirting appears nowhere in this list. It's not harmful if it happens and both partners enjoy it, but it's not necessary for satisfying sex. The cultural obsession with squirting, driven by pornography, has created emphasis on something that's actually peripheral to most women's sexual satisfaction.

The irony is that couples who pursue squirting as a goal often undermine the factors that actually create satisfaction. They create performance pressure, focus on specific outcomes rather than mutual pleasure, and sometimes ignore the woman's actual preferences in pursuit of an achievement.

The couples who report the most satisfying sex lives are the ones focused on connection, communication, mutual pleasure, and presence—not on achieving specific physical performances.

Ready to Focus on What Actually Matters?

Download the Coelle App to access guided experiences designed to help you focus on presence, connection, and mutual pleasure rather than performance outcomes or achievements.

Read "Guided: Why We All Need a Guide in the Bedroom" to understand how to build deeply satisfying intimacy through attention and responsiveness rather than pursuing porn-influenced goals.