Books and Influences

Lust and romance feel like they should go together — and in long-term relationships, they're often quietly working against each other. Dr. Jack Morin's framework from The Erotic Mind explains why, and what couples can do about it.

Holotropic Breathwork isn't a relaxation technique. Developed by psychiatrist Stanislav Grof at Esalen in the 1970s as an alternative to psychedelic therapy, it accesses a depth of somatic and psychological territory that few other practices can reach — including the shame and body armoring that quietly limits genuine intimacy.

I was watching a YouTube video recently — Celeste Hirschman, co-founder of the Somatica Institute and one of the sharper voices in embodied sexuality work, coaching a male client through something he was visibly struggling with. He kept defaulting to his partner's experience, orienting everything toward her pleasure, her response, her satisfaction. Classic good-guy behavior. The kind of thing that looks like generosity on the surface.

I grew up in a house where the body below the belt didn't exist. Not literally, obviously — but in terms of what was talked about, acknowledged, or treated as anything other than a source of potential sin, that part of me was essentially absent from the conversation. Sex was something that happened in the dark, that you didn't discuss, that carried a weight of shame so thoroughly baked in that I didn't even notice I was carrying it until well into adulthood.

David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man is one of the most recommended — and most misunderstood — books on desire in long-term relationships. Here's an honest look at what he actually got right, what deserves scrutiny, and what it means for real couples.